How tapping can help you when saying ‘no’ to your children

Does this sound familiar?
​No. I can’t pick you up from school.
No. You can’t have a sleep over.
No, you can’t have that piece of chocolate.
No, you can’t watch that.
No, you can’t eat that.
No, we are not going out to the movies.
No, we can’t go swimming today.
No, I can’t play with you right now.
​Can you pretend to be a princess, mummy? No. I can’t

​How do you feel when you say ‘no’ to your kids?

​I tend to soften my ‘nos’ with an I’m sorry, but, or darling / sweetheart at the end to reduce the blow for both of us. But, at times, it hasn’t worked for either of us. She’ll react. I will react. And, then there’s World War III at play.

Just the other day it felt like she asked for something, and then something else, and then something else all in the space of 1 minute – I had not even had a chance to respond to the first request and the 4th had been asked. It made me feel mad and then I felt guilty for feeling mad. And, then I felt sad and ashamed that she felt she needed everything she asked for. Where did I go wrong?

Wow wee (started saying that when I had my daughter instead of swearing, which occasionally still happens) – how many emotions did I experience in that one interaction??

Have you experienced that? Holy crap, it did my head in and raised my blood pressure.

I know at times I feel guilty, because I might not have the time or unable to make the time right there and then to do whatever she wants. I remember recently when Ruby asked if I could pick her up straight from school as opposed to going to after school care. Well, that in itself, her being at afterschool care most days, can bring up emotion for me, but when I said I couldn’t, I felt really bad, because seeing her little face look so disappointed broke my heart.

As a mum, who tries really hard to be the best person I can be for her, coupled with the intense love I feel for her, all I want is for her to be happy, which makes it hard, at times, to say no.

With that said, of course it's ok to say no to your kids. We need to say no to our children. They can’t have everything they want. Sometimes you don’t have the time to do what they want.

We are living in a society where happiness is gained through instant gratification of having or doing something there and then. Isn’t it a joy to actually wait for something and have that amazing sense of anticipation and excitement when it finally happens? It makes us really appreciate that 'something' when we get it.

It can also build children’s resilience, resourcefulness and the ability to deal with disappointment and frustration when they hear no. This is critical today when faced with potentially difficult and challenging situations and people. Our children need the skills and emotional resourcefulness to cope.

This still doesn’t take away from the unpleasant situation and negative emotion you can feel when saying no.

​As you know, I am a tapper and love using EFT for dealing with everything. With the different ‘nos’ above, I tap it out. I also tap with Ruby. And, I have to say, the more I tap around this the easier it is to say no, and I have seen an improvement with my reactions and Ruby’s.

Would you like to learn EFT / Tapping for yourself? You can get started with a FREE 15-minute consultation or check out my home page at Careers Count Consulting for more information about me and the one-to-one coaching of group sessions I have available.

Katie xx